He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
