Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
