I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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