I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
