found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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