You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
