Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
