I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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