she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He told me they were just razor bumps!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
