haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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