White coat. Heels.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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