Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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