Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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