I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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