so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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