Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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