I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Quick, to the slutcave!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this will be a night to untag.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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