watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
