I wanna passion pit in your ass
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
