so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
