Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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