how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
