does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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