went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize