I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
