Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize