I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
