so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
