my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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