Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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