Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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