I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
