I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dick very happy bro
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize