I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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