I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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