so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
