Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
