You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
