last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
