i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
