Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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