Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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