I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
