I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
