you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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