dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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