i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
