I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
