Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
