we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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