Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
