at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He passed out mid-signature
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
