i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
