So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
