My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
