You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Me. At least after what I've been through.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
