I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
