so let's talk penis.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
