Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
