I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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