I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
