Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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