I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
