I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
