Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its about making memories worth repressing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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