that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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