come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need a burrito and a hug.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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