But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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