So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize