there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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