she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
