i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
