Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
